


Goodbye

by idk_snowbaznstuff



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst, M/M, No Spoilers, POV Simon Snow, Post-Canon, Postwaywardson, short and sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:53:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21959923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idk_snowbaznstuff/pseuds/idk_snowbaznstuff
Summary: Simon leaves a note to Baz, he’s never been good with words so he thinks maybe prewriting them is the best way to go.
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch & Simon Snow, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> Short but not sweet

I used to think this needed to happen because I’ve changed.

That I’m not enough for you, now.

After everything.

But that’s not it. 

I’m more than enough now.

Before I was too much.

And I still am.

Before I was a lot, sure.

Overflowing.

With life. And light.

But now I’m too much, overflowing.

With nothing.

I’m not saying either was good, per se. But we both know which one is worse.

This could sound gruesome,  
But I think I finally understand the humdrum.

Who knew having so much of nothing inside you,  
Could hurt so bad.

Baz. Before I felt bad for myself. A chosen one, orphan, who couldn’t control his magic. With an evil roommate out to get him. An evil monster out to get him.

Now I’m not the chosen one.  
Nobody in their right mind would choose me, at least not for the long run.

I’m an orphan, not as in my parents didn’t want me. But, both of my parents died because of me, and I killed one of them in cold blood.

I don’t have any magic to attempt to control.

The humdrum isn’t out to get me anymore. He’s already got me. I’m empty. He took it all. Sometimes I wish he would’ve just finished me off.

And you. Baz, you’re not my evil roommate anymore.

You’re certainly not out to get me, but one thing hasn’t changed. You can't stand to be in the same room as me. I can see it on your face. And it hurts so much more now.  
After everything.

I see how everyone takes in my nothing. How it feels to people to be in the same room as me. 

I don’t want to take you’re light Baz.

I can’t risk you running out, like me.

If the chosen one can run out of light, of magic, of life anyone can.

When the humdrum sucked people’s life away they ran.

When I do it to you, you stay.

If you won’t leave, then I will.

Maybe that’s the only way the humdrum and I are different.

I’d rather keep all my emptiness inside me, all the pain, than share it with you.

You don’t deserve it.  
I won’t make you have to feel it, just so I can feel alive for a second.

I won’t hurt you like that, use you.

Love isn’t supposed to hurt like this.

I’m not supposed to hurt you.

Which is why, I’m saying goodbye.

You’ll be my first, and my last everything.

You loved me through overflowing, and you stayed through empty.

I only wish we could’ve seen what lies between.

I only wish I could’ve found a middle ground. 

You deserved that, at least. 

You’re so perfect baz it hurts.

Love,

Simon.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the worst I could do to them. I don’t have it in me for anything more final, or permanent.
> 
> Kudos and comments appreciated <3


End file.
